Becoming a dad in your 40s - lessons and warnings

I didn't plan on becoming a dad at 42; this may sound crazy since we went through two rounds of IVF. But what I mean is that I never really thought I would be a dad, so I hadn't planned for it; it was only when E said she wanted kids three years ago I started to prepare.

Would I recommend having a child later? No! Have them in your early 30s or late 20s.

I know that isn't what I am supposed to say, there are thousands of articles talking about the advantages, and maybe I will feel differently a few years from now. But right now, I would tell any young friends to get on with it…if you are going to have kids, don't put it off. For any older friends, I am not saying don't have kids but be prepared.

Why do I feel like this?

I am tired, and I ache all over. That may sound selfish and a petty reason to throw cold water on people's dreams, but as I will or have (depending on when you read this) outlined in other posts, we have had a challenging first 15 months. Some people, I am sure, have fantastic starts, but many don't, and if something goes wrong, you need energy and strength. V is now 17 months, and things are getting a little easier, but I still haven't slept through the night, and I have done every morning for 17 months! That would be easier if I were 28.

More fundamentally, I will only get older, and I worry I won't be as good a dad as I could be if I were younger. I intend to be a good dad, and so far, I think I'm doing pretty well. But I worry, some things are silly, and some aren't.

I worry I'll die when she is still young, and this will impact her life; I fear that in 8 years, I'll be the fat old dad who is too tired to play football, and I worry that her friends will think I'm her granddad.

Are there good things about being an older dad

I feel obliged to give a counter position to end the post on a high note. So are there good things about being an older dad? To answer the question, there are great things about being a dad, irrespective of age; I am surprised how much I enjoy part of it and how much I love V.

There are great articles about some advantages; on a personal level, there are a few; you should be more settled, understand who you are and be okay with it. Hopefully, you are more financially secure and should have a support network set up; your career should be mature to accommodate the change.

Those are all true, but to be honest, they could be at 35 too!

But I suppose the interesting thing is it doesn't matter how I feel. It's about her now; babies aren't some tool to make parents feel better or fill a hole. They are a complete little person you have brought into the world, and at that point, you need to look after them, even if you haven't slept or brushed your hair and all your suits are covered in vomit! But if you aren't ready to move into second place may be best to be a cool uncle and buy a fancy Tesla.